I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
