He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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