My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
