Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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