her vagine was all disorganized.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
