I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
