Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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