I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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