So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
