LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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