did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
