You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
