just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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