i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
