I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
