I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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