I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
