"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
