found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
