I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
