i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
