Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
