Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
