I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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