I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
