her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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