if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
