either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
