I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
