We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
