I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Houston, we have a blender
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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