I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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