i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
