yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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