"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
