2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
