handjob tips. give me some.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
