I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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