I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
