now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
