You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
