He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
