Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
