I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
