i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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