I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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