You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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