i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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