she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
