Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
